


A 1D Wonderland

by PandaRum



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Insanity?, M/M, Multi, Niall-centric, Other, Past Lives, Rebirth, Wonderland
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-03 22:19:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/703250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandaRum/pseuds/PandaRum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He lived a life before this one. One with the boys in a world that Niall couldn't stop thinking about. And he was the only one that seemed to remember, remember the life they use to live in Wonderland.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not necessarily in order....but I hope you like. All mistakes belong to me.

**_“But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked._** **** __  
"Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad."  
"How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice.  
"You must be," said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”

He remembered a time before this life. He remembered being lost with no why home, where he couldn’t escape the world of Wonderland. Niall, who had been Alaric Kingsleigh once upon a time, had become completely _mad._ And that madness had continued through his new life as Niall Horan.

A maddening giggle ripped viciously from his throat. The joke Louis had said wasn’t even funny. The other lads gave him weird looks, but Niall ignored it, listening closely to the ticking of an imaginary clock and the clatter of tea cups from a far and faint memory.

_Tic, tic, tic, toc…_

The interview smiled awkwardly, lips pulled too far apart. “It looks like you’re having a bit of fun over there Niall, mind telling us what’s on your mind?”

_Tic, tic, tic, toc…_

His grin just got bigger and his laughter louder. He just wanted the ticking to stop. “You know if you minded your own business the world would go around a lot faster!” he said with a wiggle of his finger.

_Tic, tic, tic, toc…_

Ok so just because he was a bit bonkers but that didn’t mean he had to be rude. Rudeness was never the question or maybe the answer? He couldn’t remember!

_Tic, tic, tic, toc…_

“Sorry, sorry,” he winced, tapping his fingers against his knee. “Do you know what time it is? We don’t want to be late…LATE!” He rubbed at his head.

_Tic, tic, tic, toc…_

“Ni,” Liam gently touched him on the shoulder. “Are you _ok_?”

_Tic, tic, tic, toc…_

“No,” he moaned, fingers curling into his hair, rocking back and forth while everyone watched, watched him with pitiful eyes. He didn’t need this! “Stop,” his lips pulled back in a sneer. “Stop looking at me like that! And stop touching me! This is all your fault!” He screamed, pushing Liam down before glancing around.“We’re going to be late, _late_ I tell you! Hahah!”

Paul drove him to consoling every week—Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays only—after that. It wasn’t like he had done it _on_ purpose, but he was lonely and sometimes it was best to just pretend he was his kitty, or his hare, or his mouse, or his rabbit. He didn’t like being alone in this world, because in Wonderland he had been surrounded by love and friends. Here he was left alone, empty, in a world where everything turned slowly and everyone was less mad and happy and more sad and sane. 

At least the fans were supportive.

**_“I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.”_ **

They didn’t know who they were and it was hard for Niall because sometimes he wouldn’t think. Sometimes he would find himself in the kitchen making tea and sometimes he would grab Louis and rub his head, like he was rubbing the back of a cat’s ear. And other times he would grab a hat and thrust it on top of Ed’s head, grinning when the red locks flattened down, peeking from under the heavy weight. They would give him weird looks and Niall would drop his hand, dump out the tea, and rip off the hat after his face fell blank.

“We’re just worried, Nialler,” Liam would say, because the other boys wouldn’t. Of course they wouldn’t! They left that all to Daddy Direction. “You’re acting a bit mad.”

Niall would never tell him that it had been their fault, no matter how much he wanted too. It had been Ed and Harry’s when he spend too much time with them at tea, or Louis’ when the cat— _boy!_ He meant boy!—would curl against him at night, retelling stories of a time before him when the world was madder, if that was possible, or Liam who, though was the least mad, was just as bonkers as the others, and Zayn, even with his sleepy persona, always had the urge to fight, sword in his tiny paw— _hand!_ It was a _hand_!  Niall frowned, shaking his head.

Wonderland was a long time ago yet he was the only one who remembered. It became unimportant, something in the past. Yet there were those times when he stopped dead. Ed, when he was over, and Harry would make tea, Zayn between them, head rested on the table fast asleep or when Louis would turn to him with that giant, catlike grin and smirk coyly at him and when Liam would glance at his watch, glaring at them that they were going to be late.

They weren’t the only ones. Cher looked wonderful in red and Niall was surprise to see that her head had shrunk slightly, smaller in size, yet still quite large. She would pick at the white roses, frowning slightly before throwing them in the trash.

“Because they’re not red,” she answered when Niall asked her why she threw the roses away. Confusion graced her face as her eyes got misty and for a brief moment she was the Queen he once remembered.

“Ok,” he answered and every Friday made sure that red roses were sent to her apartment.

“They are beautiful, Ni. Thank you,” Cher whispered over the phone, her pale fingers gently touching her flowers with care. “I’ll always cherish them, my prince.”

He never called her out on that nickname, because he knew she would stop and he didn’t want that. Because no matter how cruel she had been in Wonderland she was still his Red Queen and that hadn’t change, even in the new world.

And he would forever be her prince…if only she would remember.

**_“We're all mad here. I’m mad. You're mad”_ **

“What?” he blinked, eyeing the customs that his friend was wearing.

“What do you think, Niall,” Eleanor twirled around in a beautiful 1800’s dress, her pale skin looking like snow against the white gown. “I’m a Queen.”

“We’ll have to call you The White Queen, Elli,” Louis said, sauntered out of nowhere dressed in tight blue jeans. On top of his head a pair of purplish blue ears and attached to his bottom a tail. Niall blinked, slightly jealous when Louis wrapped his arms around Eleanor’s thin waist. They looked cute together, but Louis was Niall’s kitty cat! He promised, he thought with a pout.

“White Queen?” he squawked.

“Cher’s decided she wanted to be a Queen too only she has this red gown. Looks practically sinful while you look so innocent it’s cute.” Niall bit his lip, fighting the urge to throw a shoe at Eleanor’s head when the two leaned into each other for a kiss. Or maybe a cup…He wondered if Harry had one on him at the moment. Back in Wonderland the Hare always seemed to be caring at least a dozen.

“ _Just in case we want some tea,_ ” he remembered huffing, thinking ‘when in the world would we need _tea, you Mad Hare_?’ ‘ _Not Mad!...March. Hatter would be scornful if he knew you called me mad, but that’ll be between us, yes, my little Alaric!’_ but shortly on their walk to the white castle they would stop, spread out a blanket and enjoy hot, sweet tea. Niall dogging a cup every now and then.

Unlike most people who closed their eyes when kissing, Louis’ kept his open, staring Niall straight in the eyes. He could feel his pants tighten and the feel of the rough fabric against his sensitive area was most uncomfortable—‘ _We may be mad but that does not mean we will raise you without manners!_ ’ Liam had said once when he had been the Rabbit. The look Louis was giving him was the same look he use to give Niall when they had been nothing more but Cat and Boy but wishing to be so much more. It was hard when one was an animal and the other barely a teen.

Niall frowned before deciding to play along. He wasn’t going to dwell on this. He’s done it many times; over thinking it all only to realize it was just his _mad_ imagination tricking him all over again.

“Bad kitty!” he scowled, grabbing Louis by this tail and tugging. As if by habit Louis hissed, stilling when he realized the nose that came from his mouth, that and his tail hadn’t hurt. Niall raised an eyebrow before leaning forward, chin on Louis’ shoulder. “Cheshire, we aren’t to molest the good Queen. You know better than that!” his hand coming automatically to brown hair, rubbing behind fake ears. It was nice to feel his kitty up against, purring at the attention.

Now that they weren’t just cat and boy he was going to take advantage of it all!

“What if I like being molested, Niall?” Eleanor looked shyly at him, bottom lip between her teeth.

“OFF WITH HER HEAD!” he screamed, freezing when he realized what he had said.

“Ni?”

“Hey!” Cher busted through the room, red dress hugging her wonderfully. “That’s my line! OFF WITH BOTH THEIR HEADS!” she screeched, Liam glanced up from his pocket watch, worrying his bottom lip. “White Rabbit! I said—”

“Sorry to interrupt my Queen, but we’re going to be late.” Liam bowed, his perfect little suit wrinkling slightly while his left ear drooped.

“Right, right,” Eleanor frowned. “I almost forgot. You look beautiful sister.”

Cher eyed her slightly before huffing, “Yes, thank you. And I suppose you look… _cute_.” 

It was just like Eleanor to be sweet and Cher to be…well not sweet.

“What are we going to be late for?” Niall asked a little confused. He didn’t know what they were doing for Halloween, all he was told was to wear _something_. He had chosen white jeans and a white shirt and a blue sweater. It remained him of what he use to wear in Wonderland. It was something close to _home_ , even if home was more like a hell then anything.

“Tea of course, _Silly boy_ ,” Louis grinned as he pulled away, the lights shutting off after Eleanor walked out and all Niall could see was Louis’ teeth. He swear it was the most frightening and wonderful thing in the world. His Cheshire was back.

**_“You would have to be half mad to dream me up.”_ **

“Alaric!” he was about eight at the time he fell into Wonderland, Four springs and three winters have already past, it was autumn now he thinks with the leaves on the ground. “Alaric!” he sighed when he heard Rabbit screeching his name.

“Coming Rabbit!” he called as he bent down to pick up the wood he had gathered. The guys might be warm but that didn’t mean they got cold.

“Where have you been!” Rabbit didn’t look happy, his right eye doing a funny twirl when he got angry. “You _stupid, silly_ boy! Don’t you realize you could have been hurt around all these trees? Stay away from him, he’s only a child!”

Rabbit’s large paws came in front of his eyes, “Don’t look up!” he had instructed and Alaric knew better then to look up, or a beating he would get. And he didn’t want that, no, no, no!

“Why had Rabbit been upset that I went to get wood?” he asked Mouse who for once was _not_ sleeping. “And where’s March?” he couldn’t find the hare anywhere when they got back home. They had missed tea, he thought with a frown.

Mouse yawned, his big brown eyes hooded with sleep. “He’s with Hatter.”

“Again?” it was selfish of him to feel jealous. Hatter was March’s friend and the two were like brothers! It wasn’t like March was his to begin with, but he thought…maybe that was what’s wrong. He had thought too much.

“Why was Rabbit mad?” he asked again.

“You don’t know?” Cheshire grin appeared next to his shoulder. “Wow you really must be _stupid_.”

“I don’t take kindly you calling me stupid you crazy cat!” Cheshire just twirled over, grin floating in mid air.

“We’re all a little crazy here. But really, do stay away from that side of the forest. The trees like to get naked and we don’t want you to see that…or feel it.”

“Wait! You mean they wanted to _molest_ me!” he knew everything in Wonderland was anything but normal but that didn’t mean it wasn’t shocking. Finding out that the trees wanted a slice of him was not fun. He shivered, so someone was watching him! or something more like it.

That night as he tried to sleep he kept turning. March wasn’t there and it had been his turn to snuggle with Alaric and it wasn’t fair. This was his time with his hare not Hatter’s and although the three got along well he didn’t like the relationship most times. If March was human Alaric would be able to see the bruises and the love bits around the collar of his neck, but instead fur covered up any trace that the Hatter might have left.

“Stop turning you _stupid_ boy,” Cheshire hissed from somewhere behind him. “Some of us like sleep.”

“I can’t,” he pouted. “March isn’t here…it’s his turn to snuggle with me.”

Cheshire sighed before appearing on Alaric’s stomach. “Don’t get use to this,” he murmured. He just smiled and snuggled further into his bedding. He could _so_ get use to this.

**_“I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir. Because I am not myself, you see?”_ **

“Niall!” He felt his jaw drop. What. The. Hell. Didtheydo? The backyard to Harry’s family home had been decorated to look like, like—

“Wonderland,” he whispered, breathing out a heavy sigh as his fingers traced the cardboard flowers. Each had a different face, a different color and it was almost like they were real. The only difference was they weren’t really and they couldn’t talk. “Good because they’re good for nothing plants that should—”

“What are you doing!” Jesy hissed, grabbing him for the shoulder and pushing him away. “You’re stepping on the flowers.”

“Sorry,” he started, catching himself before he fell. That’s when he noticed something. Niall had to blink. Was… “Are you a playing card?”

“Yes,” she said, not bothering to look up at him as she fixed the beaten roses. “It’s a good thing they weren’t red or Cher would have your head.”

“The Red Queen?” Jesy stilled. This happened all the time. With everyone! It was like they could remember bits and pieces of their past, of Wonderland. They’re eyes would go misty like they were trying to remember but they never did.

“What?” she asked confused, eyes still glossy.

“Hey what’s Olly doing over there by the red roses?” Jesy shot up, eyes no longer clouded but hot with anger.

“Olly Murs you get away from those flowers!” she sneered, stocking toward the blue…

He gave a shaky breath. Why? How? He needed fresh air. He glanced around the backyard. Fresh air away from all this. So he did what came naturally, he ran.

“Niall? Where you going?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall's relationship with the guys and girls in his life... the past and present

**_“It was much pleasanter at home," thought poor Alice, "when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down the rabbit-hole--and yet--and yet--...”_ **

Louis stood leaning against the door frame to Niall’s room, watching the blond sleep. Eyeing the way his naked chest rose, the way the light from the moon descended upon the v-shape of his hips. Louis licked his lips. He knew. He didn’t know when he started to remember but he knew bits and pieces. Enough for him to put everything together. He frowned a little.

All this time Niall had been the only one, the only one who knew about Wonderland, who remembered their lives together and he had to deal with this all alone. It wasn’t fair, Niall shouldn’t have gone through this alone, he should have had March—Louis shook his head—Harry, he should have had Harry, or Liam, or Zayn, or him. But he didn’t and he couldn’t imagine what he had to deal with. But now he remembered bits and pieces, now he knew a little of the truth.

Louis stalked towards Niall, leaning down slowly so he didn’t disrupt the sleeping blond. Niall was a ‘man’ now, Louis was human now. It was ok for them. They didn’t have to be afraid. “I love you,” he whispered, fingers gently tracing the shape of Niall’s ear. “I love you so, so much. I love you.”

Niall moved slightly, moaning softly in confusion. It made Louis freeze, hand just barely touching the length of his neck. It wasn’t like it scared him; it was just that he didn’t have a plan. What if Niall woke up? What was Louis going to say to him? ‘Hey I’m remembered Wonderland. You’re older, I’m human so lets fuck?’ Yeah that was going to go _so_ well with Niall, Louis could already see it. The young human would call him a liar and hate him for the rest of his life…No thank you, Louis so didn’t want that happening. He frowned, just let his eyes trail over Niall’s body, hungrily taking in the soft, pale skin he remembered, still unmarked and pure.

Louis bit his lip slightly, leaned forward and…Niall groaned, eyes still closed as his hips arched into cool air. Louis just sucked harder, running his tongue over the hardening pink nipple in his mouth. A moan left his mouth, eyes fluttering shut. God the blond tasted so sweet. This was what he wanted, the boy laid out in front of him, left to his mercy. Louis smirked, biting down harder enjoying the breathless gasp Niall gave. Oh yeah this was the life, he thought as he let a hand fall to the waist line of his pajama pants, letting cool fingers slide through, grasping the hardness of his cock. Lithe hips snapped up with the rapid beating of his fist. Louis groaned.

Fuck. He reluctantly let the nipple go in favor of burying his head into Niall’s side, letting his breath tickle the sharp ribs that belonged to the blond. Niall twitched beside him. His long fingers tighten slightly, running his thumb over a vein wishing nothing more than for it to be Niall’s hand, Niall’s fingers, Niall’s thumb instead of his. A hiss breathed through his teeth, better yet make it Niall’s mouth. Yeah that’ll be nice, really—

“Nice,” Louis groaned cumming in his pants. “Fuck,” he was so not looking forward to cleaning up his mess. He grimaced slightly. It was all Niall’s fault. If only he wasn’t so damn cute. Louis just sighed before picking himself up, if he didn’t leave soon he might rape the blond and he wanted the boy to be fully willing when he took him. The Cheshire Cat hadn’t been waiting this long for nothing.

Green eyes gave an unearthly glow before shifting back to sky blue, “Good night, _Stupid_ boy.”

**_“Who are you?” said the Caterpillar. Alice replied, rather shyly, “I-I hardly know, sir, just as present—at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”_ **

Liam. Liam was beautiful as the White Rabbit. He was a majestic tall with the purest fur Niall had ever seen and red eyes like the rubies his mother use to wear. Clean, bright, and breathtaking. Liam as Liam was still beautiful, but more. His eyes weren’t red anymore but a brown like the tea March would make for them, warm and inviting. His skin wasn’t pure any longer, a soft brown with a drizzle of dark marks. One on his neck, another by his hip bone and Niall’s favorite, the inside of his thigh, hidden away from unwanted eyes.

Liam was much calmer here, not so much in a rush, not always glancing at his watch, and at times Niall was grateful to know that only a few traits had been passed down, but then again. He sighed glancing at the brunette before fixing his snap back. It was almost like he didn’t know Liam.

“Everything ok, Ni?” it was just like him to be worried, just like him to care.

Niall did what came naturally and lied, “Yeah, just sleepy.”

“Been hanging around Zayn too much, Mate,” Liam laughed before going back to his phone.

“A little,” it fell quiet.

Liam liked girls here; he liked them tall with fluffy curls and dark skin, completely opposite from his soft hair and pale body. So it hurt a little when Danielle and Liam got together, and he would admit he was little more than happy when the two broke up. Because then Liam would crawl into his bed and it was _Niall_ that was comforting him, not anyone else. Not a girl, not Louis, not Zayn, or Harry, but him.

Liam liked the color purple. Liked to wear it, liked to write it, liked to see it…Liam never liked the color purple. He never knew the story behind the hatred for anything violet and whenever he asked the others looked around uncomfortably, obviously not wanting to talk about it. But Niall being Niall (Alaric) he asked again, and again until one of them told him, only they never cracked and before he could learn the whole story he died… Niall didn’t like thinking of that…like thinking of how he died on how Cher had been a part of it, a small part but a part non the less… only he should be blaming his friends. They were the masterminds here.

“You ok?” Liam came up and pulled Niall into a hug; the blond sighed and rubbed at Liam’s chest.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m better now?”

They lay like that, wrapped around each other, his leg between Liam’s as strong arms cradled over his shoulder. Rabbit or Liam, Niall would always love him, the good and the bad.

**_“You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit."_ ** ****_  
"Perhaps it hasn't one," Alice ventured to remark.  
"Tut, tut, child!" said the Duchess. "Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.”_

“Can we go higher?” Niall called as Zayn pushed him, legs kicking childishly as he leaned his head back.

 He looked beautiful like that, blond hair whipping through the air as the sun shinned down on him like a golden crown. For a moment Zayn lost all track of mind body going still as he started at Niall, completely captivated. “Zayn? Can we go higher _please?_ ” Niall huffed, drawling out his please as he bounced on the black seat supporting him.

Zayn’s hand came to slowly pull him into a stop, “If you don’t stop moving you’re going to fall.” Niall just pouted, eyeing the boy’s tired eyes. “No bouncing kay?” a tanned finger grabbed him by the chin, pulling his head upwards just so blue and brown eyes could clash.

“Kay!” he said, giggling as Zayn continued to push him, sending the blond higher into the sky.

They had gone to the park together. Just the two of them, no one to distract Zayn from Niall’s time with Zayn time…he was still working on the name. They had gone early in the day when the children were still in school and the morning was cold from the on coming winter. He couldn’t feel the cold though. He never felt cold when he was with one of the guys. Days spent dreaming of old colored fur.

Niall glanced down, grabbing Zayn’s arm, ignoring the tired question in the boy’s throat just sitting there tracing the inked skin. As Mouse the only thing Zayn had inked was his face. Old battle runes caressed his gay skin in green color showing his rank and family. Mouse was the last of his kind, body forever exhausted as the last of his men fell in battle. _“You are the only thing I want to stay awake for, Alaric and the only thing I feel comfortable sleeping around…Mate.”_

He never knew what that meant, but he knew he was special. The guys always called him mate, gently letting their paws touch his skin, their scent to cover him fully.

Zayn made a noise in the back of his throat when Niall licked a path straight up his elbow. The other boy too tired to do anything but whisper, “Mate,” into the chilling air.

**_“‘Have I gone mad?’_ ** **_  
‘I’m afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usually are.’”_ **

“Deep breaths,” Olly instructed, lifting Niall’s head as he breathed in a lungful of green smoke…or was it blue? He didn’t remember anymore. “Gooood.”

“You smell ni-nice,” Niall puffed out, coughing slightly as he buried his face into the crock of Olly’s neck. The older man did in fact smell nice, like flowers, he thought, gigging ever so slightly. “Like fl-flowers! Why can’t I smell like flowers?”

In Wonderland Rabbit and March had made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t allowed near the large Blue Butterfly, at least not alone. But he wasn’t in Wonderland, he was in England. At least he thinks. Niall doesn’t remember much only that Olly smelled nice like flowers and sun and girls with a hint of smoke, tangy to the touch of the tongue and he was, he was—

“I don’t-don’t re-remember!” he said, grinning, hands thrown up in the air as he giggled at Olly, enjoying the hand in his hair.

“That’s ok, Ni,” the older man breathed against his ear. “I don’t remember either, _but_ I do remember you.”

He whimpered, “Really?”

“Yeah,” now Niall’s kissed people, he’s had sex but holy moly Olly could do things with his tongue and it was so, _very_ nice.

“Don’t stop,” he moaned, grabbing onto the curled of chestnut locks, tugging them closer…Wait? Chesnutt? “Harry?”

“Don’t, Ni, please don’t stop. Need you,” Let’s throw out the window, because my goodness he’s been wanting to do this for so long, wanted to suck on Harry’s tongue, wanted to suck his nipples, wanted to suck—He groaned, arching his hips as long fingers slid in the waist band of his jeans. Oh yeah, oh fuck yeah. What Niall would like to know though was how in the hell did he go from smoking with Olly to being curled up on Harry’s lap? He didn’t know, though what he did know was that drugs and alcohol really did its wonders.

“What-what about the guys,” a whimper left his mouth as he licked his lips. Harry tasted like cherries. It must have been the pink lip-bum that the younger boy liked to use. “Should we be doing this?”

“No,” Harry whispered. “We shouldn’t but that only give us more of a reason too.”

Niall for the life of him couldn’t disagree, enjoying every minute of the smothering kiss he was in.

**“Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”**

            He met White before the falling of the Red Queen. She had been dressed in her nightgown, the white dress flowing down her beautiful frame and pooling around on the marble floor. She was barefooted, feet tapping lightly on the floor as her pale fingers moved over the white and black keys of the piano. The music was what woke him up and like the little boy he was Alaric couldn’t help but follow after the soft playing.

He met Red after the rise of the White Queen. She was buried under a pile of roses. The once beautiful flowers now withered and dead, their beautiful long gone, just like her kingdom. He didn’t wake her, assuming she was sleeping, face tilted away from the sun. She looked peaceful, eyes closed; face relaxed and Alaric stepped away, not wanting to wake the ex-queen. But before he left he laid a rose on her raising chest, the red looking amazing against the gray gown she now wore.

White was soft, famine, motherly like, and sweet with a nauseating niceness to her. He _liked_ her, _liked_ that she tugged him to the kitchen and baked cookies with him…just like his mother would. It never matter to White if she was the queen and it never mattered to his mother if she was a lady. Alaric had became White’s child and he would always be his mother’s little boy. She smiled at him, gently wiping his face with a soft white hanky. Clean just like the way she wanted everything to be. “There,” she said, kissing him on the nose. “Now let’s get these in the oven.”

Red was tall, thinning, beautiful. It had never been her big head that caught his attention but her eyes, brown. They were soft in color and nothing like the hard edges of her face, the sharpness of her brows, but soft like the roundness of her hips and her skin. He _loved_ her, _loved_ how she would drag him into her old castle, demanding that he listen to her sing. Just like his sister use to do. She would shove him down and open her mouth. Her voice hypnotizing just like the way Lorina’s use to be. It surrounded him fully, sinking into his skin and imprinting in his head. Alaric smiled, swinging his legs as he watched the way her eyes closed, face looking peaceful just like the first day he met her. His sister got the same look on her face, body once facing the window of his room. “What do you think?” Red’s voice was timid as she looked down at her hands. “And tell me the truth too.” He never lied to her.

His relationship from Red and White were different from each other. White had become the mother he never wanted, trying to place him in a word he had not right being in while Red had become his very, bestiest friend, always reminding him of a world that he missed so much but would never give up for this. Will White took and took, Red seemed to give, always give.

**“Which way you ought to go depends on where you want to get to...”**

Louis glared at Harry, huffing as he walked passed them, held tilted towards the ceiling. Harry ignored the older boy with a roll of his eyes as Eleanor sat next to him, a frown on her lips. She had this disapproving look in her eyes the same one White use to get when he hanged around with Red. He just shook it off, ignoring the fact that yes, yes as a child it use to make him feel to guiltily, but now he couldn’t give a rats ass.

“What?” he asked snapping at her.

Eleanor folded her hands together. “Really? _Really_? How stupid are you Niall? Louis is in love with you,” he flinched at the hurt in her eyes. “And you fucking go and screw Harry of all things.”

“I didn’t sleep with him! Why is everyone making a big deal about this!”

He really didn’t want to talk about it. The kiss in itself had been an incident not to mention that everyone found out. And when he meant by everyone he meant Liam, Zayn and Louis. Things seem to go downhill after that. Louis wasn’t talking to Harry currently, Liam wasn’t talking to him and Zayn wasn’t talking to anyone. Let’s not forget the whole fact that Harry wouldn’t stop touching him, fingers digging to rough into his side as he tried to bite at Niall’s neck.

“Then what’s going on between you guys?” her eyes, brown, glared at him.

Niall glared back. Not willing to step down that easily, “I don’t know why you care so much. You’re fucking dating Louis anyways.” She didn’t have anything else to say and Niall wasn’t going to sit there with her like everything was ok. He just moved to leave, stopping for just a second. “Louis shouldn’t care either, he has you after all.”

**“If you don't know where you are going any road can take you there”**

“What do you think of this one?” Cher held the dress close to her body, head tilted as she looked in the mirror. “Ni?”

It almost felt like yesterday when Cher and he had become friends for the first time in Wonderland and a second time in this world. They had clicked better this time around, their old friendship being the ground that helped build their new one.

_“Do I know you from somewhere?” Cher asked, tapping him on the shoulder. His world went spinning, “Red?” she just blinked at him, uncertain. “Sorry, Niall, Niall Horan.” “Cher, Cher Loyd.”_

He remembered the way her voice sounded so airy, so light in comparison to her past life were her voice was contently loud and rough, completely different from when she sang. “Niall?” she turned around, hips cocked to the side with a hand on her waist. “Are you just going to stare at my ass or are you going to help me?”

“But you have such a nice ass,” Cher laughed, swatting him on the shoulder as she preached herself on the armrest of his chair.

“Whatever! I know I’m not your type,” she eyed him darkly. “I know about what happened to you and Harry last weekend.” It grew a little quiet. Eleanor first and now Cher, was everyone out to get him? “I also heard about the chew out you got yesterday.”

“Really?” he sighed, rubbing his head, not at all surprise. “Everyone just needs to mind their own damn business.”

“Yeah, but then we wouldn’t be us, now would we?”

She brushed his head back. “It’s alright to love them all you know.” His body just froze. What? How? “You’re not that hard to read Ni, at least not to me. But like I said,” she looked down in her lap, lips soured together. “You can’t help who you love and if you love them both. Go for it.”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall has a few talks with his Therapist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post!  
> One direction doesn't belong to me but the idea does...  
> Non-Beta   
> Errors belong to me

**“Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?**  
The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.  
Alice: I don't much care where.  
The Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.  
Alice: ...So long as I get somewhere.  
The Cheshire Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.”

“You ran?” his therapist was this pretty young woman with olive skin the color of light wood and dark eyes which seem to stare tiredly into his. When he was with her it felt like she would see right through him. “You ran, Niall. People just don’t run you know that right? They have to have a reason to run.” She said when he shrugged, her American accent soothing.

“I was scared I guess.”

“Is this about Wonderland?” he told her everything. About Wonderland, him, his friends and she never looked at him like he was some loon, she just sat there, listening quietly as he spoke.

“They don’t even realize what they’ve done!” he shouted. “They don’t realize that every time, every god damn time!-they do something like, like _that_ it hurts me! I was doing so _well_ , I thought I was done with Wonderland and then they started acting like _them_!”

“You can never be done with Wonderland, Niall. It’s a part of you like it’s a part of them,” she said, writing down notes, or drawing. She liked to draw a lot, and she drew well. Her art pictured Wonderland and _her_ inhabitants perfectly.

“But,” he trailed off, tapping his fingers against his knees. “What if I have an ‘episode’ again?”

She stopped, put down her pen and looked up at him. “You won’t, you want to know why?” he nodded his head, of course he did! “Because you were afraid they wouldn’t be the same. You just have to remember everything happens for a reason, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Good, now tell me what happened on Halloween.”

Niall took in a deep breath, leaned back so he could look up at the ceiling. “They looked like them…”

\----

“Sometimes I look at Louis and I can’t help think he’s hiding something. And it might just be me but his eyes look green sometimes. When he’s doing something devilish, they look green.” Niall tapped his finger against the cup of tea his therapist sat out. Knowing he would take it. “And Harry the other day was rearranging all of our cups and I don’t know what Louis said but Harry just grabbed on and chucked it at him…And Liam bought this pocket watch and he won’t stop glancing at it and Zayn is sleeping more, and I had to talk him out of getting a tattoo on his face. _On_ his face!”

She watched as he took in a deep breath; bring the cup up to his lips with a shaky hand, gently sipping it. “Could you be looking into it too much?”

He paused. He could. Everyone does it now a day, but that didn’t mean _he_ was. Niall knew his family, his friends the best, but right now he was confused. “No,” he said confidently but his voice wavered when she raised a brow at him. “I’m not over looking it….just confused. Nothing seems right and it’s so fucking frustrating! One minute they’re just the guys but then the next….They’re March, or Rabbit, or Mouse, or Cat. And this isn’t _fair_ , it’s like I’m constantly being tricked. I have them, and yet I don’t.”

She made this hum in the back of her throat as she played with her pen. “Well, Niall I think maybe you should tell them. If they know —” RING. With a glance at the timer she sighed, Niall blinking at her with wide eyes. “We’ll continue this our next session.”

“…Ok.”

\----

Alli Meldez sighed, rubbing her forehead as she listened to Mrs. Castro, her neighbored, scowled her over the phone. “You Americans have no respect for other peoples sleep!”

“I’m _so_ sorry it won’t happen again,” she said, trying to reassure the old woman.

“Better not!”

She blinked at her phone when it went dead and not for the first time wondered why Mrs. Castro hated her. With a sigh she tightened her robe, wincing as she got closer to the door. The loud banging shook the pictures on her wall.

“You know its 3’oclock in the morning right?” she blinked at him wirily when she opened the door before ushering him in. He just brushed passed her, hands shaking as he beginning pacing around her apartment.

“It is?” Niall glanced around eyes looking around franticly as he scratched his arm, face, stomach, and shoulder…anything that had skin. “I’m sorry,” though he didn’t sound very sorry.

 

It wasn’t like she wasn’t use to this, patients coming to her home at odd hours of the day, but they had never been quite this noisy. She just sighed, tightening her rob and pointed to a crème colored love seat. “Tea?” she asked, eyeing the way he flinched at the word.

“Uh, sure, yes please.”

“Mind telling me why you came banging on my door at 3 o’clock in the morning?”

“Harry made tea…” Alli stared down at the cup in her hand before placing it back down. No tea it is.

\----

“Cher, she’s your best friend?” most of her sentences ended up as questions but then again that was her job. “Does that mean she comes before the boys?”

He froze a little and blinked. What? _Did_ Cher mean more then the guys? His best mates? The boys he was in love with? His _family_? He thought about Red all clad in bright gowns and now as Cher with her toothy smiles. He thought about the way she held him as a child, wrapping slimming arms around him protectively. He thought about how comforting she was, dragging him to the icecream place down the road.

 He thought about…he thought about her voice. The way it soothed over him, plugging him into a cavern of water, and lifting him up into the calming sky. Where the air swam through his air and chilling his blood.

She had always been there to protect him, watch him, and care for him…so? Maybe? She meant more than Harry…Liam…Zayn…Louis…?

When he didn’t answer her Alli folded the paper she had been drawing on, gently sliding it over to Niall who tensely sat up. He blinked at the paper, eyeing the ink that bled through, wincing slightly when he noticed it was a picture of him…not _him_ Niall, but _him_ Alaric, wrapped up in Red’s arms, blood coloring her already red dress.

“You don’t have to tell me, but I think we both know the answer.”

He nodded, stood and grabbed the paper only to pause at the door, “See you next week?”

“Good bye, Niall.”

_Yes…Cher **did** mean more, more than the boys and that… was a frightening thing. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A talk of Death and memory of it.

**“Either it brings tears to their eyes, or else -"**  
"Or else what?" said Alice, for the Knight had made a sudden pause.  
"Or else it doesn't, you know.”

_“_ _Rabbit? Mouse!...Cat? March? Are you there?” Alaric spun, eyes blinking around him, but seeing nothing.“Please! I’m sorry! I won’t be bad anymore! I’ll listen, just please….Come back!” Darkness._

_He was surrounded by darkness and every time he moved a pain shot up his lungs and his side burned. “I won’t go running around! I’ll listen, Rabbit! I’ll be good for Mouse!” Nothing…he heard nothing but the echo of his own cries. “Cat? Please…I miss you. March! March…”_

_He fell to his feet, crying as his knees skinned against the rough ground. Hoping and praying that someone would come and pick up him up by the arms and hold him. But…Alaric found himself shaking as a chill wind swept through his tattered clothes._

_No one was coming…_

_“Please…” he whispered. “I’m scared.”_

_And yet no one listened to his plead._

\----

Niall gasped, back arching up as he grabbed at air. Nails ripping at something that wasn’t there, “ _Please_ ,” he whispered, tears prickling on the corner of his eyes, “ _please.”_

It was _the_ dream. Not _a_ dream, because those were just pointless. Something to be forgotten the moment you awoke. But no, this was _the_ dream and no matter how much Niall wished he won’t remember, memories and imagines came flashing back as soon as he opened his eyes. And like most nights he found himself alone, sweat covering his body as the sheets were kicked off the bed.

His lungs gasped for breath every time this happened, burning just like that moment all those years ago.

He had to find the urge to roll out of bed, feet heavily carrying him out of his room and down the stairs. And unlike most nights a light flicked in the livingroom. The TV was on. Niall paused for a moment wondering if he should descend the last of the steps or go back upstairs. But figured he rather be in light then in the darkness.

“Ni?” he blinked up, rubbing at his arms as he gave a shaky sigh. It was Louis. Louis who sat on the sofa, staring at him rather than the TV.  His eyes holding an intense gaze, just like as if he was Cat, “Niall are…are _you ok?_ ”

“Yeah…I just, had a nightmare.”

The other boy nodded like he understood, eyes glancing into the light and for moment they looked green, but then Louis smiled. Blue, they were blue again. Niall had to shove down the disappointment. “Would you like to…sit with me?”

“ _Please_?” and Louis nodded. That was all he needed before crawling into the older boys arms.

\----

_“Alaric! Alaric!”_

_His body hurt and it didn’t help that someone kept touching him. Someone who smelled oddly of Red but felt more like Rabbit and he couldn’t find it in himself to wiggle away. Body too much in pain._

_“You_ stupid _boy!” Cat._

_“Mouse please!” White._

_“Where’s March!” Red._

_“Alaric, don’t worry…” Rabbit._

_“Mate…I’m sorry.” Mouse._

_He couldn’t understand why they were yelling as the world blurred around him, but he put on a brave smile, before saying, “I’m scared…”_

_“Alaric no!” was the last thing he heard before darkness fell over him._

\----

“Niall, Niall…wake up!” he gasped, elbow shooting up as it caught the intruder waking him in the ribs. A groan was heard as he rushed out of bed, body shaking.

It was Liam…the person trying to wake him was Liam.

Brown eyes blinked at him worriedly while rubbing his side. “Ni?” and that was all he really needed to say as Niall threw himself into Liam’s arms, shaking as he breathed in old fur. “It’s ok, I got cha, I got cha…”

\----

_Blood…There had been so much blood._

\----

“Zayn?” he wiggled his lip a little, feeling like a child as the smoker rolled over to glance at him. Eyes looking so fucking tired. “I had a nightmare…is it—?”

He never got to finish because Zayn held out his arms and Niall didn’t have to think twice before sliding in. Curling into the boy’s embrace, his back pressed up against a naked chest.

They stayed like that, neither sleeping as Niall gently played with long fingers against his stomach. He felt warm and nothing like the coldness that wrapped around him when he slept.

“I don’t…” he started off. “I don’t _love_ Harry.”

That seemed to shock Zayn and before he could open his mouth Niall turned around. Bring his arms up to pull the other boy into a light kiss. The body against him tensed up but either he didn’t notice or he didn’t care because as soon as his mouth left Zayn’s lips they trailed over his warm shoulders.

“I _never_ loved Harry.” _I don’t love either of you_ … _I love ALL of you._

\----

_“What do you think awaits us in death?” Alaric asked Cat one time when the snow was melting and the flowers just beginning to bloom. “Do you think there’s a God?”_

_“God? What is this...so called god?” Cat scoffed and Alaric blinked, confused and then shocked before rolling over._

_“What?! You don’t know who God is? What is wrong with you people!” he shouted franticly before moving his hands around, telling a story with his body first and then his mouth.“Well…God is this man…Well he’s more like this being who created the world. He knows magic or something and he made us!”_

_Cat just looked at him like he was stupid before curling away from Alaric. “There is no god, you_ stupid _boy.” He sigh there goes the insults. “Wonderland created us. We are her children.”_

_“But…” he never got to argue back because as soon as he opened his mouth Cat had already drifted to sleep._

\----

“What do you think awaits us in death?” Niall asked Harry. The boy paused what he was doing and glanced up at him, face a little stoic. “Do you think…there’s a God?”

“I think people choose to believe whatever they want to believe. If they think there’s a God then there’s a God.”

“Well…what if I thought _Earth_ created us?”

“Well,” Harry licked his lips. “It’s really up to you, Nialler.”

“Then what do you believe in Harry?”

A faraway look over came the boy’s green eyes before he played with the tea cup beside him. “I believe that someone gave us a gift life and we shouldn’t waste it away with worrying.”


End file.
